do unto others...
so it's morning. all 3 girls getting off to school. husband going off to work. then it happens.
an argument about money. or was it?
"listen to me....."
"no, you listen to me..."
"stop cutting me off..."
"you are telling me to not cut you off and you are doing that to me..."
"i'm not cutting you off..."
"you just did..."
well... it went something like that. not verbatim & i'm not saying who said what lines. it really doesn't matter. but, i know when i was the one being cut off, it made me feel like what i had to say wasn't near as important as what he was saying. and i'm sure it was vice versa as well.
we were both pleading with each other, for what? to listen... to listen to what the other had to say. but we weren't. we were doing the opposite. i wanted him to listen to me, but i wasn't willing to listen to him and understand him. he wanted me to listen to him, but he wasn't willing to listen to me, to understand me.
we were both trying to get our own way. because in each of our minds, what we had to say would obviously change the world as we knew it and it didn't matter what the other would say.
it all led me to the following conclusion and thought, part of which i shared with my beautiful husband that i love so very much (i argue that it's more than he'll ever know).
how often do we, in marriage, in life, in any relationship, determine (whether consciously or subconsciously) that our way is the better way. our words are the better words. our plan is the best plan. if you are anything like me... way too often.
my spouse should come first. not just when i'm fixing dinner and i fix his plate before anyone else's. not just when we are deciding on plans or making a decision and i don't confirm until he says what he wants.
i don't say all this to give you details of my life and my marriage, but to give an example. see, i've been married for almost 12 years to this amazing man, that i love with all my heart... but this morning my actions and my words didn't show him that.
it's not always about what we say, sometimes it's about what we don't say that makes the biggest impact. had either of us just listened to the other, put the other's needs/wants above our own, for that moment in time, we would have saved an argument and in a non verbal way, shown the other that, hey! i love you and i respect what you are trying to say to me, so i will listen.
how many times are we like that with God?
"but God..."
"Child..."
"BUT God... listen to me though..."
"Ashley... I created you... I know your start and your finish... This is my plan... Do you love me? Listen. Trust."
so many times i have learning experiences in marriage and in parenting that point me right back to my relationship with God.
if i argue & don't listen to my spouse, am i showing him that i love him? that i respect him? that i trust him? what about when i do that to God? my CREATOR? the creator of THE WORLD?
i get why, as an adult anyways, the Bible references marriage and parenting to show us pictures of God and His love. we can't change things that have already happened, but that's why each day is a new chance, a new start. i may not be able to go back and re do the discussion/disagreement that my hubby and i had this morning to show him, hey, i value what you are saying because you are important to me. i may not be able to go back in time and be like, oh yeah, sorry God, you really did know better than me back there, can we change that up? BUT each day we wake up, we have a chance to put to use what we have learned the day before.
will i be perfect and never forget the lesson i learned today? will i never ignore God's best for me? will i never put my own will before my husbands? will i never put my own will before God's? probably not, because lets be real, i'm not perfect.
we are human. we are flawed. we think we know best. we are selfish.
the solution is simple though.
how do i want to be treated?
i can make the effort to show my husband that, yes, we chose each other and you are more important to me than getting my own way. and i can make the conscious effort to follow in God's best for me daily... because even in the valleys, if He has me there, then the best for me at that moment is in that valley under His hand.
if i want unconditional love and respect from my husband, i need to extend it to him. if i want God's blessing in my life, i need to follow Him.
i can't expect my relationship with my hubby or my God to grow, strengthen and deepen on their own. i have to do in those relationships and put in to those relationships what i want to get out... if i can't listen to my spouse... or listen to God... spend time with God... or spend time with my spouse... then how on earth can i expect that from my husband or God?
Luke 6:31 says "Do unto others ad you would have them do to you" -- this pertains to all aspects and relationships.
and since i'm really horrible at closing things out and don't want to ramble... i am ending this post and hope that maybe by some chance, something i have said will speak to you, like God used this "small" lesson to speak to me, about not only my marriage, but my relationship with Him and how i treat Him (God) and my husband. so i'll leave you with these questions: how do we want to be treated? how should a bride treat her groom? how should the bride of Christ treat her groom?
Merry Christmas. God bless.
